I have always wondered if Penis Pumps work and how they work? I have heard a lot of stories that they may not work. If they work, do the effects last long? And would they help with my sex life?

Advice Grrl answered: 

Penis Pumps increase blood flow to the penis, and are used for a variety of different reasons. The most common reasons are:

• to increase and improve the ability to achieve and maintain an erection,
• to improve the firmness of erections, or
• to enhance penis size.

We find using water based lubricants and silicone lubricants aren’t long lasting enough. It always dries up too quickly during sex and I almost always find a chafing sensation down there the next day. (We already use Probe and LubeXXX). My boyfriend and I are wanting to explore oil based lubricants but I don’t see any on your website. And we know it’s not safe with latex condoms. Can you guys tells us something about oil based lubricants and whether it might help with the situation and if there are any oil-based safe condoms?

And we’re also thinking that it can be used for some water play.

Many many thanks!

Advice Grrl answered:

Hi Curious,

It’s great to hear you’re using lubricant regularly – it definitely makes a difference to a great sex life! Were you aware that with water-based lubes like Probe, you’re able to revive them by applying water or saliva? This means if they do dry out while you’re playing, it’s very easy to bring it back to slippery life, without having to apply more. It’s also an excellent way to make your bottle last longer!

LubeXXX, the silicone-and-water-based lube you mentioned, lasts a lot longer due to the silicone, and shouldn’t be drying out while you’re utilising it. I would recommend applying somewhat more to begin with, so you have plenty to be playing with. LubeXXX is also excellent for play underwater, as it doesn’t wash away.

We at D.VICE made a choice to not carry any oil-based lubricants, because they are incompatible with condoms and dental dams (the oil dissolves the latex, and they are no longer safe to use). While there are oil-based lubricants on the market, they’re generally desired for male masturbation. The oil can disrupt the internal health of the vagina in addition to everything else, so we definitely do not recommend using it.

Have you considered the possibility that you may not be physically aroused enough before penetration takes place (sometimes the body doesn’t keep up with the brain)? On the off-chance that this is what’s happening, engaging in more activity prior to penetration can assist with this. Work on getting some more clitoral stimulation – using Purr Gel is great here – getting out the Nea or the Ina, or getting some lovely cunnilingus (there’s a great book and an excellent  DVD about this) are all ways to get turned on.  If you take your time with this, it gives your body a chance to get aroused and your own natural lube to go with artificial.

Additionally, you may find that different positions can reduce chafing. Ride ‘Em Cowgirl, a book all about sexual positions, is an excellent resource.

You may also want to look at what you can do to increase your own natural lubrication. Some women don’t produce a much natural lubricant until after their first orgasm. Options to increase this can be a)checking hormones are in balance (visiting a natural practitioner or holistic GP can help here), and b) noting whether you are taking contraceptives (they can impact your lubricating capabilities). Tribulis often recommended to enhance natural lubrication in this situation.

Stick with your water-based / silicone lubricants – and have fun playing together!

whenever I have sex with my boyfriend he sweats excessively, especially when he’s about to cum. I know some sweat is normal but theres always so much dripping all over me. I find that sometimes i don’t want to have sex because of this or avoid certain positions (where the sweat drips all over my face). i love him and I don’t know what to do. Do you know of anything that might help?

Advice Grrl answered:

Hi zoe,

This is one situation where reading Ride ‘Em Cowgirl - a guide to sexual positions – will definitely come in handy! The best way to avoid having his sweat dripping on you is to be on top of him, and there are various ways you can do this that will feel great for you both.

Keeping a towel or flannel nearby is also useful. Using it to wipe him down will probably make him feel better as well. And why not also utilise the Touche Ice Silicone Vibrator? Running the deliciously cold toy across his skin will cool him down and rev him up at the same time!

You can also take advantage of your connection and position with your boyfriend. The Naughty Bunny and the We Vibe 3 each feel amazing when you’re on top, and you both get the benefit of the vibrations.

Best of luck!

How is a clit clip worn? Do you have any pics?

Advice Grrl answered:

This is a great question – the Clit Clip does initially appear complicated, but once you have the knack, you’ll never look back!

The Clit Clip is designed to slide over your inner labia (from the top) and to sit over your clit hood and behind your clitoris. It clamps your inner labia together slightly and pulls the clit hood back, which exposes and stimulates the clitoris.

Initially it takes a bit of playing around to get it sitting right – and of course all women are formed differently, so everyone won’t wear the clit clip in the same way. I recommend using a mirror and giving yourself some time to experiment and see what works for you. Using a little lubricant or saliva is a good idea too, so that it slides on easily. You can also gently pull the clip apart if it feels too tight.

It’s a unique sensation and initially you may find it too intense. Do persevere as the Clit Clip can be a lot of fun. Try wearing it out on a dinner date and dare your lover to remove it with their lips! Purr Gel is also a perfect addition to enhance your clit clip experience.

You can see how the Clit Clip sits in place using the image above.  The top of the clip is pulling the clit hood back and exposing the nub of the clitoris, while the arms of the clip are clamping the inner labia together slightly, sitting between those and the outer labia.

Incidentally, the Clit Clip was designed by D.VICE, is made from stainless steel, and is very popular with all our staff! Why not give it a try yourself?

My partner is always wanting to play with and penetrate my butt. I always give it a go but i usually find it uncomfortable and sore afterwards. On the odd occasion I have found it really nice and orgasmed. What should I do to help me relax so I can enjoy it more often?

Advice Grrl answered:

Hi Chelsea,

Anal play is something you and your partner should only do if you’re both in the right frame of mind for it – and don’t forget that you both have bottoms (his can be played with as well!).

If you do feel up for having some anal fun, here are some time for helping you to enjoy yourself.

• Take it very slowly. Always use lots of lubricant, and reapply liberally. You really cannot use too much lube! Lubricant can be placed in the anus, around the anal area, on fingers/hands, and on toys.
• If you are more comfortable with having had an enema or douche first, there’s nothing wrong with that. It isn’t essential, but may help you feel more relaxed during play.
• Make sure you’ve been to the bathroom first!
• When you’re starting the play, begin with fingers teasing the anal area.Make sure the nails are short and smooth. Get your partner to wear gloves if you’re more comfortable with this.
• Ensure that your partner is paying attention to your reactions. Give him verbal feedback about how you’re feeling.

This whole process should be slow. Anything that’s inserted, should be inserted slowly. Anything that’s removed, should be removed slowly. That goes for a finger, a buttplug, or a penis.  There are a lot of nerves in the anal area (only the clitoris has more) and they will all be sensitized by this.

Another thing that changes comfort is positioning. The two of you should experiment with this, as it can vary from person to person, as well as with each toy, and each couple.  The most simple are on hands and knees with the rump in the air, and on the back with knees raised (sometimes with a pillow beneath the upper bottom).

I have heard about Smartballs for quite a few years now, and upon a friend informing that she thought she was suffering a slight/mild prolapse I thought it was time we girls got our butts into gear.

Her Gynae told her she should tighten her pc muscles asap. Upon receiving our new friends, we found there wasn’t much in the way of information, so I thought I would ask D.VICE, as you have all been so helpful in the past.

My friend has the uno, and is a little unsure of how to insert it with a prolapse, she is not sure whether to simply put it in, and not worry it ‘pushes’ the prolapse a bit. Could you possibly give us a little direction?? My other friend and I after a few rounds of giggles managed to insert ours, however, we assumed that we would insert much the same a menstrual cup/tampon, is that correct?

Advice Grrl answered: 

Your friend did the right thing in buying the SmartBall Uno – it was designed for women who have given birth or have particularly weak pelvic floors, and that includes mild prolapse. Provided the prolapse isn’t so severe that she is unable to push the Uno into place, she is absolutely fine to use it.  We recommend using plenty of water-based lubricant (we recommend Probe Silky Light), and taking it slowly.

When she’s built up her pelvic floor strength and is able to wear the Uno for at least five hours a day for six-eight weeks, then she’ll be ready to upsize to the Smartball Originals.

I love receiving oral sex from my boyfriend but I never have an orgasm without vaginal penetration. Any ideas on how I can come with only his tongue??

Advice Grrl answered:

Cunnilingus is fantastic stuff – and it’s great your boyfriend isn’t timid about giving you oral pleasure! Everyone orgasms differently, and there’s nothing wrong about requiring vaginal penetration to come.

If you really want to orgasm while he’s pleasuring you with his mouth, you could get him to penetrate you with fingers or a toy, while he uses his tongue on your external areas (it’s still cunnilingus!). That would get you the internal stimulation you need as well.

Make sure he’s has a look at our Tips to Become a Cunnilingus Expert (he may pick up a hint or two).

And as a great addition to your bedside table, the two of you could also read the Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus together. It’s full of excellent ideas, and may produce just the stimulation you need…

I have recently purchased a smart ball to help improve my pelvic floor muscles. It is a smart ball original I think…just the single ball.

I can get it about 3/4 of the way in but then it starts to hurt if I try to push it further in. I have used a water based lubricant but still no luck.

Any advice on this?

Advice Grrl answered:

Inserting Smartballs for the first time can be challenging, but they are excellent for your pelvic floor health and it is worth persevering. Much like learning to insert tampons, it can take a bit of experimentation to find the position most comfortable for you to be in when it comes to insertion methods.

Your single ball is the Smartball Uno, which is ideal for those with bladder weakness issues, or who have given birth recently.   We definitely recommend starting with this one if you’re not sure of the strength of your pelvic floor, as you can always upsize to the Smartball Originals later on.

Your Smartball needs to sit, internally, beyond the pelvic bone. You’ve said you are able to insert it about three-quarters of the way and then have difficulty, so it’s possible that it’s at this point you’re encountering problems. Using lubricant (especially Silky Light Probe) is a good idea, and definitely recommended – both on the ball itself, and a little on the string as well.  It may be that you’re not using enough, or that the position you’re in is just not relaxing you enough.

Here are some different positions you can try:

• Standing with one foot up on the rim of the bathtub and the other on the floor
• Squatting with both knees splayed outward
• Sitting or lying on the floor with knees drawn up
• Standing with knees slightly bent

Hi. Any chance of a party in Taupo? Been to a few in Auckland but am living down here now. I think I could rustle up a few customers.

Advice Grrl answered:

Thanks for the great question, Jules! We have presenters dotted around New Zealand (none in Australia at the moment, I’m afraid) covering various parts of the country, coming out to homes and hotels and presenting D.VICE Sex Toy Parties.

You can see the different areas we present by looking at the list here – and if you see your area there, clicking the button will allow you to see the map of the coverage area as well. Our presenters do occasionally travel out of zone, but it’s on a case by case basis.

Right now we don’t have any presenters covering the Taupo region, I’m afraid. However we are in the process of expanding into the Tauranga area – so perhaps there will be a presenter willing to travel out to you soon!

Alternatively, perhaps you might be interested in becoming a presenter yourself? We’re always looking for presenting superstars. You can see our vacancies and read our requirements here.

I am wanting advice on the dildo range you have that fit the strap-on harnesses you have. I am a bit apprehensive about buying them online because I can not feel the strength of the dildo, so before I decide to purchase I would like to know which is the firmer harder one in your range.

I don’t like the dildo’s that are a bit squishy and prefer the ones that are hard. I find that the soft variety slip a lot and cannot be used hands free.. .. which would you recommend of the range that is the firmer harder dildo that fit the strap-on jockey harness.

Advice Grrl answered:

Hi charlie, It’s great that you’ve got yourself a harness – they’re so much fun! However, when it comes to getting a dildo that suits, it sounds like you’ve been having a challenging time.

If you’re not in an area where you can visit one of our stores or attend one of our parties, it can be challenging to figure out just how firm a dildo is by looking at it online. If you can visit D.VICE, then pop in and check them out! We have samples in the store so you can give each a good squeeze for firmness comparison.

That said, the dildos we manufacture ourselves (realistic looking and smooth) are made from 100% silicone. Made from a dipped mould that has no seams or flaws, they are solid, nice and heavy to hold. If you’re gripping them, you can squeeze quite firmly (harder than you would a penis).

All D.VICE dildos have a little give but not much. They certainly don’t flop around! Since you’re specifically looking for firmness, I’d suggest you look at the dildos with more girth (such as the Giantess) or any of the realistic models.  These are the most firm dildos in the range.

Additionally, all of our D.VICE manufactured dildos have a flared base which sits beneath the O ring of the harness. The flared base is important for holding it firmly in place on the harness. All of the dildos we manufacture have a 10 year guarantee! Keep sharp objects away from the toy as they can cut the silicone and the tear will get worse. This means keeping your toy away from the cat! You don’t know how many times we’ve heard about kittens deciding a dildo is the perfect play toy!

If you’re relatively new to strap-on play, or want some extra useful information, make sure you get a copy of the Adventurous Couples Guide to Strap-On Sex. Have fun!